Blackrose musings - INSANITY

I am NOW a firm believer, no one can hurt you even half as much as you hurt yourself. We are attracted to misery, anything that comes with a warning sign we run to. That's not a white people problem its a human people problem. I get it, the reward is much greater when one conquers the seemingly impossible as opposed to the mediocre. The fall twice as painful also so naturally one turns around to see who can be blamed. Good news is the answer is not that far out of reach, grab a mirror.
Accountability, responsibility etc not only are they big words but exemplary qualities for any human. Any that desires growth from a point of wisdom and maturity. Can't exactly grow up if you spend all your life pointing out the flaws and faults in others while you walk around with a log in your own eye that you aren't even aware of.
If you are like me then most of your hazard to self comes from a place of confusion masquerading as courage, discontent as boldness and mountains of hurt camouflaged as cold. Just cold.
Look in the mirror sometime, take a moment of self reflection. Granted at the core of our deepest hurts has been a man/woman too far gone in their self seeking ways that our feelings and emotions were to them a mere toy but in every dysfunctional equation i have found both sides of the coin bared some share of the blame.  Plus im pretty sure the phrase "takes two to tango" wasn't made famous JUST for the dance.
"How did i get here?" Sometimes thats all it takes. That one soul searching question. You can lie to the world if you want to but do yourself a favor and be true to yourself, if you can't then it might be all sorts of late for you and you are reading the wrong post. "But he/she...."NO. Just No. "Personal" responsibility, "self" esteem, sometimes it's all it comes down to. Dont get it twisted this isn't a lesson on selfishness rather one on self reflection. None of that "he/should have known better," always pointing out to see who takes the blame for all your mess.
Its true they hurt you, all of them but only as far and as deep as you let them.
Monsters do exist though and they have hurt some of the most helpless, most vulnerable in our society but we have seen and heard stories of how these men and women refused to let that define them- Oprah, Tyler Perry, Genetikz, the list is endless.
And then there is you and me, daily throwing ourselves in the pits of hell just for a brief moment of satisfaction, acceptance, triumph... and later have the audacity to cry foul because once again we got burnt. We go on rants on social media calling the male species dogs and the females whores and forget that the whole time we drove the car the check engine light was on so shouldn't be that shocking that the car eventually stopped.
Insanity they say is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. Not so sane then are we?