Closed Book

I've come to appreciate the need to talk it out. When it feels like all is coming down on you keeping it all in is like a time bomb waiting to happen. Talking, feels like exhaling even if you don't get a solution. Just letting it out is like breathing it out. With the right set of ears its all you need, to bring clarity and most days even the much needed sense of serenity.
For some reason ive never had that kind of luxury. I don't know why but for some reason i can never find a listening ear when i need it the most. Sure there's always people around but never the right ones, not when it counts.
And I hear it often, how i should let them in, express myself, kinda hard when they fall off the grid. Its hardly their fault, how will they know when its time? Not like they are psychic.
So i do what i do best, i bury it, deep in my soul and let it rip me apart. I let it tear through me, feel as it gets my blood boiling, errupting my vessels till its organ failure. Till its a miracle I'm still breathing. And when it feels like im drawing in my last breath, when im sure my last words will be my last, then the pipes burst open and its all i can do for what seems like forever. I cry. For the longest time, shaking and screaming but no sound comes out. This must be what death feels like, screaming out from the depth of the darkness that surrounds you but no one can hear you. Reaching out for anyone to pull you back but no one ever does. Its the last straw because when its done i don't know if I'll ever move from here.