Black Rose

Im back here again.
Scared, angry, sad, defeated and a large sense of being utterly and completely useless.
Is this all there is to it?
Is this the summation of my lifes worth?
Been here so long im starting to believe its the beginning of my eternity.
They say its darkest before dawn.
But what if its just darkness all around for always?
Ive been here.
Feeling the same kind of misery with the same brand of hopelessness and no sign of light anywhere.
Guess thats why its called the circle of life. Same old cycle till you can no longer keep your eyes open.
How am I getting it so wrong that ive been here so long?
What am I doing so wrong and how do I get it right?
My only happy place is the world ive created in my mind. In it my dreams come alive and im significant. But thats all in my head and reality wont let me live there long enough for it to be real.
So now im just defeated.
Hopeless, confused and sad and most days just plain miserable.
I cant wish to be someone else because im too stuck in my own skin.
I cant cry because soon as I start to the anger and confusion take over.
I cant pray because I dont know what to pray for anymore.
And the last thing I want is someone telling me it will get better because im starting to believe my purpose in this life is to be the one everyone looks at to remind themselves that it could be worse.