Near and Dear

We Bembas have a saying; Ukwangala kucila ulupwa. Translation, friendship beats family. I have met so many amazing people on this journey that is my life. All of them my friends once upon a time but now I hold them nearer and dearer than family.
The girl I met in high school who is now like a sister to me. My bestest i call her. We don't talk everyday, don't see each other often, but when we do its like I never left.
The man who became my friend, my uncle and my father. I smile when I think of how he has been there through every phase of my life and still he is there every time I need him.
My person. Few understand this bond. Sometimes even we can't explain it. But from the moment we met on the 29th of January 2007, we are closer than close. Closer than siblings, than spouses, than friends. Theres no love like ours. And here the bemba saying rings true, because now her family is mine and mine hers and there I have learnt about love in family. About happiness and laughter even when the storm is raging outside.
The boy who is now a man who was a friend even before I met him. Hours I spent pouring out my heart and soul to him because he was always there to listen. And when we finally met, it was like we've known each other for years. Not even the cold on that winters day on the beaches of Sunderland was going to dampen our spirits.
My voice of reason, my princess, I believe God himself placed this woman in my life. She has been that much and more. A sister, a friend, a mother, a shrink and a mentor. Not even distance or time can get in the way of that.
His first words to me; "hi, u listen to Lady Antebellum?" We have been inseparable ever since. He inspires me to be better everyday just by watching him grow into the man he's supposed to be. One of those people you dont realise you need until they are there. And now there's no getting rid of each other.
Last but not least (because this is actually going by order of when I met who I met), when he gets married im his best man. And yes I said he and also yes, I just called myself a man but thats us.
Love all of you and more of you.
My friends, my family, my people.

Black Rose

Im back here again.
Scared, angry, sad, defeated and a large sense of being utterly and completely useless.
Is this all there is to it?
Is this the summation of my lifes worth?
Been here so long im starting to believe its the beginning of my eternity.
They say its darkest before dawn.
But what if its just darkness all around for always?
Ive been here.
Feeling the same kind of misery with the same brand of hopelessness and no sign of light anywhere.
Guess thats why its called the circle of life. Same old cycle till you can no longer keep your eyes open.
How am I getting it so wrong that ive been here so long?
What am I doing so wrong and how do I get it right?
My only happy place is the world ive created in my mind. In it my dreams come alive and im significant. But thats all in my head and reality wont let me live there long enough for it to be real.
So now im just defeated.
Hopeless, confused and sad and most days just plain miserable.
I cant wish to be someone else because im too stuck in my own skin.
I cant cry because soon as I start to the anger and confusion take over.
I cant pray because I dont know what to pray for anymore.
And the last thing I want is someone telling me it will get better because im starting to believe my purpose in this life is to be the one everyone looks at to remind themselves that it could be worse.

Crae play

Fear grips you. You longing for a place where there's no gravity. Its your darkest hour. Been a long time coming. Falling down you lost your way; boasting, fakin', violence and all manner of power trips. You met the devil in disguise, told you "if you walk with me I'll give you all the finer things". Now is the drop, you could die tonight just to be free from it all. Its all misconceptions. You think you're a reject, or are you an anomaly? Maybe just a black rose. Was it worth it? Price of life? Time for divine intervention. Remember the sacrifice on the cross. Hang on and hold on and believe- God is enough. Make your confessions Mr. Millionaire and pray the Lord have mercy. Jesus walking on water, you meant to be just like him. Go and tell the world that you know like I know that we are the lucky ones. Round of applause!