SOS

Flaws. That's all of me. Sometimes it feels like I'm beyond redemption.
I say a prayer every morning and one every night, but all of me is convinced im past forgiveness. And why should I be? I never learn. Every day is the same old routines of the same old sin. Beating myself up because I know better but do I really? I should know better but I don't. I can't.
Its torture being me. Failing every test at every turn and seeing the failure for what it is. Like digging ones on grave. Doing it knowingly.
For a little while I saw the world for what it is, black and white. Now its all grey. Well im living grey.  Its blurred lines, blurred truths. And im,.... lost in it. Sinking in it.
The truth, I need a saviour.
"Who's adequate to save us? How about he who knew no sin."
I knew this saviour once, still do. But I moved,  because he doesnt so I know I did. He gave me peace, who flees from that? Who turns away from that kind of happiness? Me.
I am flawed. To the core. To know me and not know that about me is to not know me at all.
And I must be the best actor there is because everyone sees me and sees the embodiment of strength and knowledge and beauty. The woman I see in the mirror is scared for her soul, lacking the knowledge and wisdom to save her soul and no, there is no beauty there. Not where it matters, not within.
They say u hear the prayers of a sincere heart. SOS, save my soul. If it takes breaking me limb to limb only to build me up again, save my soul.
Save my soul.